By Every man is born of a woman, and yet some of the men grow up to hate and even harm women in society, or and even in their homes.
Most of the programmes in the country running to raise awareness about Gender Based Violence (GBV) are aimed at women, or are attended by women; very few men attend such or even pay attention to the messages being communicated.
Stats show that in most cases, Femicide is committed by men against women; in very few incidents do you find Femicide committed by women to another woman. This means that the problem is mostly with men; we need more messaging and programs targeting men and not as much women.
Women constitute more than half of South Africa’s population and yet they are the most vulnerable, they are the face of poverty, victims of rape and violence, often perpetrated by their partners, relatives or someone close to them and trust.
We grew up under the instruction that a man is the head of the home and is a protector of the weaker vessel, woman. However, in our broken society the opposite is happening. The violence we see today is not something that happened over night.
Most of the men today were exposed to abuse when they were young, either through their father who used to beat their mother in front of them, or in the community. In the 80s and 90s there was that notion that women are like children and need to be disciplined, by beating them.
Women were not regarded as equals with men during those days, every weekend we were subjected to relentless GBV, even though the term did not exist by then. The notion that women are like children meant to justify the abuse of women by men.
It seemed normal and acceptable in society; even some women would say if a man does not beat them, it simply meant the man does not really love them. That is how much damage was done to society passed on from generation to generation.
The raping of women was also common, and to justify this, the reasoning was women do not really know what they want; sometimes they pretend to not want it but actually do, so their no is not really a no, so take it anyway.
We are a broken society that needs healing, a society with men who still see women as sex objects, people who are not equal to them in humanity. Serious programs need to take place to re-wire the brain of a man in churches, in homes and in society. More efforts need to be directed towards men.
No law in the land will ever correct this, it may be a crime to rape and abuse women and children, but if men do not see anything wrong with what they are doing, it will never stop. GBV is a moral issue more than it is a crime. Young men and boys need to be taught to respect women and protect them.
Despite the enactment of legislation and the efforts government has taken, rape cases only decreased by 6%, which is disappointing. Stats show that about 28% of men in South Africa admitted to have raped a woman, 46% of them admitted to being repeat offenders and 7,7% have admitted to raping about 10 or more women or children.
We need upright men of moral standing to rise to the occasion and reach out to these broken men, to sensitize them and make them realise that women are also human and have feelings, they also deserve to enjoy life and feel safe at all times.
Some men may claim that they do not raise a hand on women, nor do they violate them in anyway; but they abuse them financially, knowing very well that they depend on them financially; they will withhold financial support unless the woman does exactly what the man wants.
Men need to deal with issue of ego and narcissist behaviour that prevents them to respect the decisions women, if a woman wants to leave a marriage or a relationship that can only result into death. We have lost many sisters simply because they were tired and wanted to leave, or finally decided they are going to do what is best for them.
As we reach the conclusion of women’s month, my challenge to men, husbands, boyfriends, community leaders, pastors, elders and every man, let us take a stand next to our women; let us be the ones who say no to GBV. Let each older man groom the younger generation to be kind and gentle towards women.
Let us model the kind of men they should be. Let us say no to dysfunctional homes, let us mentor boys, especially those who do not have fathers present in their lives. Let change begin with us. Let us heal from our childhood hurt and brokenness. Let us talk.
